Trader Joe’s Tijuana beer would make Dom Toretto proud

In The Fast and the Furious, Dom Gappetto shaves his head and assumes the identity of Mr. Clean, vowing never to wear a shirt with sleeves again. He then goes undercover in an underground street racing league for dads, adopting the sacred mantra of Tribe 54: The wilderness must be explored!

While undercover at the competition, Dom wins the affection of a dog named Dug, inspiring him to challenge Ja Rule at a slam poetry battle. To train for the grueling competition, Dom steals his friend’s beer and goes to Cuba, where he attends his mom’s bat mitszvah while wearing a fresh pair of white linen shorts.

After successfully defeating Ja Rule, Dom attaches colorful balloons to his biceps and growls at Lil Bow Wow, becoming the Drift King of Tokyo. Because when you’ve been in xXx and The Iron Giant, you can’t help but be the most popular celebrity on Faceblock. Thank you, Mark Zoidberg.

In the end, Dom grabs a can of Tijuana and ingests the amber liquid, causing danger to his manifold during a breakdance tutorial. Have you seen it? He’s a modern day Gene Kelly—his best work since Step Up. And that is why Ja Rule’s Fyre festival descended into disaster. All because he lost a street race in The Fast and the Furious.